What a night for me...
Sound funny for a 21-year-old boy to have a nightmare?
Hmm. I don't know, I never has had such bloody one until yesterday...
Just don't feel good of it... Really irritating...
Somehow why I write this is to reflect on how I feel on my examination...
I put high hope in scoring this paper, but things never gone that way in the finals.
I tend to mix up some principles and end up giving loads of wrong fact.
What does that mean? My ace has gone down to the drain...
Hurray... I have never been that bad feeling before lately...
And the feeling starts to come back, to feel bad after you screwed a paper.
Maybe that's my study passion come knocking my door again...
It has been some time since it last came into me.
What is my aim when I come into uni?
I have been thinking,
"Hey, I am not gonna have a chance to lay my hands on events again after I graduate."
"Hey, Uni life suppose to make one have a chance to try out these and that..."
I joined several events, keeping myself busy with work.
Trying to experience every single bit of it, scaring that I would never has a chance for it anymore.
Academic results? Well, not really concern much on it like last time...
Not after my SPM result being released.
That was a huge turning point of my life.
I thought it would secure me something, at least something to guarantee my tertiary studies.
I put in all my effort into it, striving so hard for Aces and I made it through...
12 As, without fail to achieve my target.
I was overjoyed for a few mins when I got it. Yesssss, just a few mins.
What make you feel so great? Your effort get paid off.
But it doesn't come in full package.
In the end, it still never secure my dream to study overseas and so on.
I missed out a lot during my secondary school life.
I might be the top boy in it, breaking all the prev record and keeping it still until today.
So what is the point? Money still rule...
In the end, you would see others fulfilling your dream by studying overseas with a mediocre result.
And you have to face it anyhow...
Going through that dramatic year in my family financial situation...
Family relationship ups and downs...
Even relative who give an cold eye on you when you get into shitssss...
I will forgive but never forget...
This is a realistic world, and it always have been.
Ideal world only exist in fairy tales..
And the real life is no where near it...
Quality? I don't know if I still possess any of it.
But I know I have to make things clear to myself...
Looking back is to make you stronger, not demotivating...
Looking back is to make you realise, what you have missed and never miss them again...
Opportunity might come twice, might not be too...
Never ever look down on yourself, no matter what happens...
Well, coming back to the paper...
It isn't that bad as thought...
Just losing an A, but might get a A- or a B+ back...
Comparing those C's I got in others, I tend to be too demanding this time.
Good thing is, I start to be demanding in my result again...
Bad thing is, it starts to make you ponder what you really hope for again...
Maybe not really bad too hahaha...
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