【巧克力 x 129】

There goes 2013, with a countdown of less than 22 hours to go.

2013, a year full with ups and downs. 

Always remind myself that I only live once, so I always pile things up on my own shoulder. I am afraid of losing the chance to enjoy the freedom I am currently having. Hence, I have never fail to set tight schedule day in day out, hoping to meet up new people, listening to new stories, picking up new skills. Taking chance to participate in camps, events, functions. I am not be an extremely sociable person nor a very good speaker but I just like to meet new people.

But sometimes I do get tired, very very tired. 

Physically, I could spend days even weeks to give in my best to get an event done. 

I thought giving 100% is always the best way to work things out, maybe it is.

Mentally, I am always good at torturing myself with endless thoughts.

I will always find stones to drop on my own toes, without fail.

Throughout this year, of course I have grown into a different me.

I dare not say I am now a better person but it is definitely a different one.

Money is always important even though it is not the most but it can never be least.

I have regrets in making plenty of unnecessary spendings. 

I should start considering the whole picture, making scale on every single shits.

Some people just not worth your single cent, because they just won't appreciate it.

Lesson Learnt #1 : 

Not everyone gonna repay your good deed. So live with it...!

And there are always plenty of a**holes out there trying to control your life when they fail to control theirs.

Why bother to comment on how should I spend my money when you aren't giving me any?

I am earning my own share, and I gonna use it with my own way.

You are not happy? Then make your own way and do it yourself, don't ever try me...

You ain't my parents after all... No one make control of my life besides them...

I make my own business, I make my own career, I earn my own pay check...

So do you see a you in that line? NO..! So be nice or get lost...!

Lesson Learnt #2 : 

There are always idiots trying to influence you just because they can't do it... 

I realised how fragile a human relationship can be.

Couples break up, friends get "unfriended", family relationship turned sour...

Things could just change so quickly without you noticing it.

You may be very close to one now, texting each other every single night...

Believe me, this "passion" usually won't last more than two weeks.

In today's world, things just can done so quickly... So does a relationship...

You won't have the patience to wait for a letter reply because WhatsApp can do the job within seconds.

So if you can't have that patience for him/her, I suppose things end quicker too.

Spend time to work out a relationship if you really do care...

Find wayssss to do it, there are no fixed formulas... 

Relationship is an Art, not a Science!

Lesson Learnt #3 : 

People come and go, and life goes on..! Go ahead if you enjoy living in the past. Just rmb not to moan for your future later...

Maybe I'm not young any more, I need to start to prioritize what I wanna go after for my own life... 

Not just merely saying Yes without thinking twice, no more syiok syiok crazy last minute decision... 

Saying Yes is always easy but to deliver a promise is always the hard part.

Either you do it or you don't say it...  Simple as that...

People take your words as an opportunity to beat you...

Because no one gonna think for your situation, all they want is your delivery..!

Lesson Learnt #4 :

Think for yourself then for your loved ones. Ain't nobody have time to plan your future...

Appreciate whatever you have today.

Because no one knows when you gonna lose them in future.

I admit I am still no expert in doing this...

I tend to miss out people who did good to me and hoping for better.

I was hoping you and you to stay to fight for a better future together...

Having each other to encourage and lift the other up when one is down.

But I guess I am always too shy to express my affections to people...

Keeping feelings may be good sometimes when you wanna maintain a relationship.

But no one knows how it gonna ends if you don't make the first move...

Lesson Learnt #5 :

Appreciate what you have today! Speak up else risk losing her to play an important role in your life.

I have to start learning how to think like a Big Boy, a working adult...

At the age of 22, I don't know how much I have fulfilled a 22 year old should do.

I may not have a very smooth sailing one but I take these challenges as part of my journey.

And this is a long tough journey that still has plenty kilometres ahead...

I am afraid of the working life ahead of me.

I don't know am I going to do well, am I going to cope well with the lifestyle.

Wonder how much time usually I gonna spend in the office...

Wonder how much time I have for myself and my family...

I wonder how my 2014 gonna be...

And there is no other way to find out besides experiencing it myself 

New Year Resolution? 

Nahh, don't think that is necessary...

That is just a tag for you to get Likes...

It is nothing more than just a lie if you don't get to achieve it...

Just be positive with my own future, and learn along the way, that's what I believe as the best way...

【巧克力 x 128】

For this 2nd half of the year 2013, I have not been the usual me any more.
My skin problem get worsened till I never expect to be that bad.
After my so-called graduation trip with my gang in May 2013,
My skin problem has extended from only small patches on my legs to my hands...
Then slowly it grows and grows without my notice to almost all over my body.

I was once scheduled to do the allergy test but I missed it.
Now I'm somehow regret for not doing it.
I always hope to find out my allergens but the patches can't find place on my back.
I started to worry if this problem gonna persist till no end.
Physically, it is so damn ugly of course.
Mentally, it has tortured me a lot, I couldn't sleep soundly like I used to.
I lose temper very easily, no matter how small the matter is...
I get very frustrated whenever I see these all over my body.
I talk very much lesser to people around me...
I keep things to myself.
I feel that the whole world is going against me...
These three months have been the worst ever I could have had in my life.

Every single night I have to wake up at least once.
I don't know if this has become my habit or it is due to the itch.
I so hope that I could use steroid pills to kill it off to grant me peace for at least few weeks.
No matter how bad people say the medicine gonna be,
I rather die than suffering bad skin...

I can't play sports. I lose confidence of myself.
I started to avoid crowd, avoid public...
I paid more attention on others eyes when they talk to me.
I don't want them to notice how bad my condition is.
I wanna hide myself in my room with no one could enter.
I even have once think of giving up myself...

I hate... Yes I have hatred feelings towards myself.
I hate to have this problem with me.
I hate myself.
I hope I could put an end to all these...
I even think of put an end to my own life now...

【巧克力 x 127】

Sometimes life can go high up suddenly,
then there goes the huge fall to the bottom which you can't imagine.
Things just happen so quickly without you even notice,
and it has already took place when you do.

We always hear people saying how to start to appreciate life.
Live every day as if it is the last day of yours.
But in reality, how many on earth really practice it?
Maybe a few, maybe a little more, but definitely not the majority.

I have always have a dream to travel around the world.
Switzerland, Greece, Norway, Finland, Hungary.
There are many places I wanna explore, places where not many would go.

But today I started to question myself, Why?
Am I just wanna fulfill my own desire to show off where I have been through?
Or it is just a luxury dream to burn some dollars.

It seems like I always wanna do things that I couldn't make it happen yet.
I thought this could make me work harder, at least I still believe it now.
But there are limitations. It's not just about how good you are...
Sometimes you have to conform to the environment, the rules that I'm living under.
It is not easy but every task is a learning process.

Coming back to reality...
I don't know if I am too blessed.
When many struggle to get a good offer, I have several and don't know which to choose on.

1. Risk Management seems like a good new thing to put my hands on it, esp its a big bank CIMB.
2. Fraud Detection Analyst, Citibank, good place to start my career but not that department I think.
3. Actuarial Department, MLRe. That's right, did my internship with them and now here comes the offer.

I am not bragging but it is still a tough situation when you have choose.
I admit that I am not good in choosing.
All three have their pros and cons.

No point cracking my head, offers are on the table, take it or leave it.
Chose 3rd one with a timeframe I set for myself.
If I don't get ASA by the end of the 3 years I said, time to move on.
Things can be kinda clear cut sometimes when you set target in such way.
Limbo thingy don't really suit my style.

【巧克力 x 126】

Time flies, sneaking away without your notice.

In my first year of study, I know that I have only one degree life.
These 3 years of uni life, that's it...!
So why still put myself in the books only since I have not fail in doing it for my primary and secondary.
Why not trying out something really different?
Go out there and know some people, listen to their stories and share mine.

But life has never been a smooth sailing one, at least not always.
I faced problem to cope up with my own time management when I get into 2nd year.
I took up tuition classes to teach during weekends, I took up events and it's not too little.
I get myself into a bad shape, no matter in my studies or my own health.
My allergy haunts me awhile, it never fails to find me whenever I am in stress.
My result goes down, as if it forgets to bring its parachute...

That was a tough year for me.
My dad lost everything he built over these 20 over years.
My mum have to stay strong in keeping us in one piece.
Imagine when one could not sleep in the night, sitting in the living room for hours.
And the other one just couldn't stop crying while driving.
I can't remember how I get both of them through all these.
I know they have been working their very best to put us in good shape.
At least I never have to quit my study, and I think that's the best gift ever.

After 3 years of study in Uni, it really make me grow.
I treasure my 2nd year more than anyone else.
Yes it made me fall, badly. At the same time reminds me on what I should work hard on.
Maybe learn how to appreciate the present rather than hoping more in the future.

Every decision made has its pros and cons.
I don't know if I have made the right choice.
But I am glad and grateful to be who I am today.

After graduation, things have not been easy.
Friends leaving for different industries, different companies.
Everyone is striving hard for their own life pathway.

I am now all alone to fight among myself, get the best decision out of it.

【巧克力 x 124】

勇敢追夢

1. 列出你人生中非做不可的「待辦事項」，開始一 項項完成。

2. 嘗試一個人出國旅行，跟自己對話，照顧自己，傾聽心裡的聲音。

3. 至少進一次大公司，不一定是規模大的企業，而是在各行各業中，口碑和風評領先的公司。因為大公司的福利以及制度較完善，並可趁機累積相關工作資歷，以及人脈關係。也許中年之後，你會想要創業，資金、經驗和資源外，人脈是不可或缺的幫手。

4. 好好品嘗一次跌到谷底的感受。把自己逼到牆角時，往往是把人生看得最清楚的時候；唯有越過層層荊棘，才可能超越自我。

5. 找個時間做件善事，例如加入義工行列，在協助、服務其他人的同時，你會對目前所擁有的一切更加滿足。

財富自由

6. 對自己好好進行一次全盤財務診斷。問自己：真正讓你幸福的生活方式是什麼？有人喜歡住鄉下，有人卻想要住豪宅，想在短時間創造高財富，就必須承擔更高的風險。

7. 再問自己理想的生活方式，需要準備多少錢才夠？扣除現有資產存量，還需要準備多少？設定好目標後，才開始討論合適的投資工具。

8. 切勿「負債投資」；若有負債，應先擬定償還計劃，先理債、再理財。

9. 一切都得從「存錢」做起，否則都是空談。

10. 想要存錢，先從「記帳」開始。這是基本功，只要堵住不經意花掉的金錢，一定可以慢慢累積出投資的本金。

11. 辛苦存錢的同時，一定要慎防財務漏洞，比如人云亦云地亂買股票、辦房貸，甚至亂刷卡或用現金卡借錢。

其中聽明牌買股票往往被套在高點；房貸利率的差別往往一年達數萬元；信用卡是很多現代人的理財盲點，也是現代人的財務殺手，試想你有錢放在銀行，拿到的是少少的利息，當這些錢被銀行經由信用卡或現金卡借出去，利差達10倍以上，這樣的錢當然不能借來用。

12. 既然理財是門學問，平時就應該做功課，無論從總體經濟，到世界趨勢，都應該有所涉獵。不要一昧相信「理財專家」或「股票名師」會替你帶來一夕致富的好運。

13. 最後，想要獲得財富自由，成為理想中的有錢人，就要有「成功致富」的信心。幾乎所有成功的投資人，都有一套自己的投資觀念，自律且具耐心，最重要的是，他們目標明確。

掌握未來

14. 要自由地揮灑未來，第一件要做的事是──建立生活的秩序。有秩序的人，通常能夠成就你意想不到的事。讓其他事情可以順利完成，便有更多時間享受「自由」。

15. 改變，從專心工作開始。面對你正在做的事，集中注意力，才能加快完成速度。

16. 養成固定時間睡覺和起床。不要再用種種理由佔用睡覺的寶貴時間，不要讓事情一拖再拖，這樣你將有更多時間補足精力。

17. 正確的飲食、運動習慣能讓身體保持清醒，沒有負擔。應該讓身體在35歲以前，都保持在最佳狀態。

18. 只有不斷學習才能保證競爭力。管理大師彼得‧杜拉克（PeterF.Drucker）說，你的知識和經驗，都是你的新財富。懂得學習，一半靠好奇心，一半靠自律。杜拉克即使再忙，每天也會擠出3～5小時讀書，唯有保持學習的自律，才能獲得一生受用的知識財富。

19. 在日常生活中，實踐「懶」人的智慧，用最少時間，達到最佳目的，且運用更舒適輕鬆的方法。例如：妥善保存隨手買的小配件，收納在同一個地方，要使用的時候就不會找不到。

發展自己的懶人智慧，當事情忙亂起來，就不會一團糟，生活也能更有品質。

20. 學會說不。「拒絕」是一門藝術，做個心胸開闊、進退有禮的人，同時也要有自己的原則，才能過得自在、開心。

21. 盡可能讓生活豐富。嘗試著用一個圓圈，平分成6個部份，在每個部份寫上家庭、工作、經濟狀況、精神追求、健康、智慧，提醒自己人生不是只有工作的上班時間，與下班後的日常生活；盡可能讓自己的每個面向不斷拓展、延伸。

35歲前，學會讓自己輕鬆地應對一切，你就可以享受成功、自由的人生。

【巧克力 x 123】

Throughout these three years of study in my degree life...
I have gone through ups and downs...
From being a consistent top scorer in class since primary, I have start to go down in ranking...
From a nerdy schoolboy, I start to engage into events, camps...
From a nobody, I start to make friends across all different courses in my uni...
From a zero knowledge in investment, I start to learn and win awards...
From a student, I turned to be a tutor, a watch-seller, a jersey-seller, as well as insurance agent...
In the end? I'm still stucked in the uni doing shit....

***

I was once telling myself, ranking isn't the most important stuff.
"You don't need to be No.1 at all time to get yourself happy..."
But the truth is, I was just telling sour jokes to console myself...
I wasn't working hard enough to fulfill my own potential...
I may be not good enough to fit into the first line runner, but I know I should do better than these.
Yes I do regret for not putting enough effort.

I can blame every single shit in my life, events, friends, work, whatever...
But in the end, come on dude! You have to face the reality...
The problem is all in me... Nothing else...
In fact, I'm the only one who gonna suffer, not others...

***

Besides the down part, I learnt to organize activities...
From Chairperson till event helper, I have tried out every single position in the board...
From a junior to a super senior, I have met many kind of people...
Having argument till I resign from my position, or even have scolding on each other till face turned red...
In the end of the day, we make friends and shake hands again...
Things might not turn well all the time...
But every single thing like these make me grow...

I dare not to say I am an expert in activities for now...
But I can say that I learnt well on how to organize things in a proper manner...
I learnt that how to work together for a better result...
I learnt to lead, to follow instructions, to take up responsibility, to be task-oriented, to be people-oriented...
In short words, I learnt to be a better person through these activities...

***

Many would say "Hey, study and organize activities only maaa, I also can do it laaa"
Yea it's true that everyone can have such experience...
But I have my very own story to tell for my 3 years degree...

Have you ever dream of having your name carved and framed to be placed in the uni comp lab?
I did it... I was fortunate enough to be part of the Top 20 player to win my uni a comp lab...
I was the youngest achiever among the 20, and I feel proud over it...
Though saying I was good in investing or whatever, I would say luck played the major part of it...

I am fortunate enough to play a role in the CME Trading Commodity Challenge...
Well I may not be outstanding enough to be picked as the winner but it was an awesome experience...
It taught me that never ever get into commodity market! Lol...
Volatile market gives heart attacks and plenty of surprises from seconds to seconds...
It was a good lesson to my emotion control...

***

I have been spending my sem breaks with different group of friends, travelling to different places.

1. Chan Loon, Bear and the gang to Kuantan...!
2. Mary and the clan to Pulau Redang...!
3. Wai Kin and the awesome siao kia to Sabah...!

Who could say No to a bunch of nice friends to have trip with?
They are awesome and those trips are always full with laughter...
And those experience shall be carried on with me till my last breathe.

***

I joined in this PMP programme and get to know loads of Monkeys from different courses...
We have great time in celebrating birthdays of the members....
We have great time making fun of each other by testing all the games ourselves before the camp...
We have great time in every single meeting that drag us half dead when reaching home...

Every semester, people come and go...
Your mentees will live on their own after few weeks of guidance under you...
Everyone goes on with their own life...
He/She might still recognize you and greet you in the morning if he/she is kind enough...
Sometimes they don't even give a damn on your presence...

But this is life...
You can't blame much...
Everyone has their own choice of living after some time...
So why get your emotion being influenced by others behaviour?
Life is just too short for you to be angry over unnecessary stuff...

***

I may boast a long resume with long list of activities I took part in...
Band 5 MUET larh, President for this la, Chairperson for that la...
Winning some challenge larh, Organized some camp larh.
But I neglected the most important part in my degree life...

I screwed every single major subject with C+ and C... (Well one exception with a B+ so far)
Compared to what I did in my secondary or my foundation...
This CGPA or GPA thingy has always been consistently LOW in my degree life.

I regret for not studying hard enough in my past.
I may once boast to have a good track record in academic, if not best.
But now what I could feel is just regret and sorrow.

***

When this brand new semester starts...
It has more like a wake up call to me... I wonder if it's a bit too late...
Friends around me have been graduated and left me alone in the uni...
Those who failed their subjects aren't longer in the same class as I did...
I am all alone on my own feet now...
No others to support, no more laughter in the mid of class...
I guess this is the punishment and also the cruel reminder that I have wasted too much time...

Looking at the good side, HEYY! I could concentrate better...
Yes it is... In my first week, I have paid 100% attention to all my lecture class...
It somehow just remind me on how I study for my foundation...

***

I am really praying hard to hit all my target for this last semester in uni...
I wanna achieve a result I have never achieve before in these three years...
I wanna get another two external paper passed in this end year...
I wanna continue my legacy in my own way...



Keep moving... Don't stop...
Then destination won't be too far ahead of you...

【巧克力 x 122】

I am sad to see our country general election becoming an international joke around the world.
Politicians no longer discuss about their GE manifesto any more 
But only scandals, false accusation towards the their opponents... 

And what now? Phantom voters, multiples of IC being issued to foreigners, FREE concert, FREE food and drinks, religion and racial issue being used to cause public fear, massive electoral frauds and of course promises that only heard before the elections but NONE will be delivered after then.

Is this the vision of our country's leaders...?
Do you leaders actually know what the people asking for?
A politician, is a symbolic of the country, the leader of the people.
Every single word, movement of his/her will be under supervision of not only the people in the country but throughout the world. 

A true leader will always try best not to give false accusations. 
A true leader will always listen to his/her people and fulfill all his/her promises.
A true leader will be a role model of the people and always never fear to strive for a better future.
A true clean leader will never have anything to do with scandals nor corruptions.
And these leaders will gain respect from the world, for the people in the country...

I would like to plead all the politicians to be aware of his/her words, actions.
Listen to the people's voice, stop being in your fantasy dream.
We need you to lead, not to cheat.
You may cheat us for once or twice but there will be no more next time.

Again, I'm not taking side on either party but a better future for all the people...

I have never regretted to be a Malaysian.
No matter what happens, Malaysia is always my home.
But loving the country doesn't mean loving the government, not necessary.
Same theory, if I don't love my government, it doesn't mean I'm not patriotic.

We people should voice out what we hope for and together we build the future of the country.
We are the boss, we are the people of the nation...
You shall never suppress on our citizen rights...
Never hesitate to change if the current one is not doing well, no exception... 
5 years, if you don't perform? Out you go...

This is to all the PARTY LEADERS... Yes I mean ALL...

WIN WITH PRIDE, LOSE WITH DIGNITY...
PLAY FAIR, PLAY CLEAN...

【巧克力 x 121】

恋人未满的关系就像98度就快沸腾的水，将沸未沸... 
这样或许会带来模糊朦胧的美感...
但时浓时淡，患得患失的无望爱情...
久了，相互喂养的蜜糖也会成为有害身心的砒霜...

但很多时候就因为怕破坏了这现有的关系而失去对方...
大部分的人会选择在这个时候冷却下来... 
当连沸腾的勇气都没有...
这段爱情又怎么会有未来？

我个人就向往的情侣关系是...
我们彼此会给予对方空间...
不需要每个时刻黏在一起...
但是只要一遇上了，又会有这那契合的感觉...

【这一刻爱着 2013】

【巧克力 x 120】

这就是我们的青春吗？

每个女人都喜欢名牌，LV Gucci 是初级阶段 
稍微上点品的喜欢Balenciaga Chanel，但却无比雷同地指向同一个款式
所有的女人都梦想30岁之前拥有一个Birkin
那当你30岁之后你还能追求什么？ 

每个男人都要有一部好车 
SLK、Z4起步 
钱多的喜欢911 
所有男人的终极梦想、是拥有一部F430或者盖拉多 
当你拥有这一切之后你还能追求什么？ 
虚荣、是人类最初的劣根性

我们经常听到这样的话： 
"我新认识一个男的，叫XX，开奔驰、宝马、保时捷一系列的好车，家住哪里，浑身Dior Hermes 
太可悲，你连人家全名都没搞清楚，就已经投入了别人的怀抱
你习惯了被人注目，你慢慢被浮华包围
慢慢在物欲和虚荣的光环中，渐渐膨胀，迷失自我
从ipod到imac你样样都有 
环顾四周，你的房间里有一本真正的书吗? 全文字的那种
你能拼写出Salvatore Ferragamo一字不差
却连问服务员要张纸巾都不会说
餐巾纸怎么说，你告诉我

我们这一代人的起点太高，梦想的太多
我们看了太多偶像剧和电影
觉得我们就该拥有那样的生活 
我们不能接受漫长等待，因为我们习惯了快速
快一点再快一点
我们希望在人生最美好的时候拥有一切
一旦真的拥有了，我们又能干什么？要求更多吗？ 

即使是暴富，也是需要时间的积累，和机会来临前的慢慢等待 
看看我们周围，哪个暴发户是在他们20多岁的时候爆发的？ 
45岁发财已经算年轻了，五六十岁才刚刚起步的也大有人在 
就凭我们这点能力，也想在20几岁拥有整个世界？ 

花钱这档子事儿，是不需要技术含量的 
我们沉迷其中
而对于有技术含量的东西，比如赚钱 
我们却不屑一顾
学生们不需要考虑现实，毕业的人们逃避现实

不愿工作
为什么不愿工作 
我们觉得自己很牛B，什么都会！什么都懂！
好玩的好吃的个个知道，从GT3到GTR台台玩过 
去上班却连双面复印都不会
面对有200多个按钮的复印机就傻了 
这玩意怎么比跑车还复杂？ 

我们有太多的理由来逃避工作
薪水低
薪水确实低，一个月的薪水也满足不了我们一个周末的流量， 
怎么办？
如果你爹是自己的生意，那就复杂了 
自家做吧，你是太子，是大小姐，员工都拍你马屁
教你东西？开玩笑！教会你，他们怎么黑你爹的钱？ 
供应商都想从你这个嫩头儿下手
就你那点阅历，被人卖了都不知道怎么死的！

去那些叔叔伯伯的公司做吧
就那点收入，还不够你爹去还人情的 
自主创业？ 
别开玩笑了，连做人最基本的道理都不懂
创业只会通过赔钱来奉献社会
老老实实学点本事比较实在 

我们的人生之所以精彩，只是因为你和你爸同姓而已！
你所有值得骄傲的东西，都是你的家族给你的
即使你长的好看一点儿，也是你父母的DNA决定的 
我们的人生有很多梦想
要住怎样的房子，要开怎样的车子，要过怎样的生活 
这些梦想难道还要让你快50岁的亲爹，用60岁之前的岁月，来帮你完成吗？ 
长那么大你为家里做过些什么？
你有些什么东西、是值得你爹在朋友面前炫耀一番的？
没有！ 

把我们身上的名牌衣服都脱掉，换件廉价，没板型的T恤
Gucci LV Balenciaga Chanel 通通丢到一边
搭地铁去门口站着
你就什么都不是，没有谁会多看你一眼！
傲慢、妒忌、暴怒、懒惰、贪婪
这些都是人生来便有的劣根性 
现在却被我们发挥到了极致 

曾经醉生梦死，分不清好人坏人 
喜欢混蛋，讨厌真心 
在黎明降临时昏睡，在手机震动时，慌乱的打理好自己
接着又是一场逢场作戏，纸醉金迷
看到的世界是颠倒的，没有明天、未来
头疼片，解酒药一次次增加，醒来发现已经一无所有，不敢去想所谓的生活
突然有一天在镜子前擦去厚厚的浓妆，才发现20几岁的自己早已苍老
抬眼看看空空荡荡的四周，和满地的烟蒂，酒瓶 
这就是我们的青春吗？