【巧克力 x 128】

For this 2nd half of the year 2013, I have not been the usual me any more.
My skin problem get worsened till I never expect to be that bad.
After my so-called graduation trip with my gang in May 2013,
My skin problem has extended from only small patches on my legs to my hands...
Then slowly it grows and grows without my notice to almost all over my body.

I was once scheduled to do the allergy test but I missed it.
Now I'm somehow regret for not doing it.
I always hope to find out my allergens but the patches can't find place on my back.
I started to worry if this problem gonna persist till no end.
Physically, it is so damn ugly of course.
Mentally, it has tortured me a lot, I couldn't sleep soundly like I used to.
I lose temper very easily, no matter how small the matter is...
I get very frustrated whenever I see these all over my body.
I talk very much lesser to people around me...
I keep things to myself.
I feel that the whole world is going against me...
These three months have been the worst ever I could have had in my life.

Every single night I have to wake up at least once.
I don't know if this has become my habit or it is due to the itch.
I so hope that I could use steroid pills to kill it off to grant me peace for at least few weeks.
No matter how bad people say the medicine gonna be,
I rather die than suffering bad skin...

I can't play sports. I lose confidence of myself.
I started to avoid crowd, avoid public...
I paid more attention on others eyes when they talk to me.
I don't want them to notice how bad my condition is.
I wanna hide myself in my room with no one could enter.
I even have once think of giving up myself...

I hate... Yes I have hatred feelings towards myself.
I hate to have this problem with me.
I hate myself.
I hope I could put an end to all these...
I even think of put an end to my own life now...